Month: January 2014

Old Ways

Back in the days when I was learning this trade in Mexico, the maestro in the shop would teach me how to hand-fabricate parts to broken locks. Knowing that I would someday be practicing my trade in the States, I would arrogantly say that I didn’t need to know how to do these things. “In my country, we would throw it out and buy a new one!”

So yesterday I felt a twinge of shame when a customer brought me a baggie full of loose metal pieces that were once the lock to his antique curio. What was I going to do — throw out his lock and tell him to go to Ethan Allen for a new china cabinet? I had to fix it, and thanks to the maestro I knew exactly how to reassemble the lock and replicate the lost springs with pieces of special scrap metal I’d been holding onto. When I was done, the lock was as good as new. The job left me feeling happily nostalgic and I had to write a note of thanks to the maestro.

Film Review: The Locksmith (2010)

I’m no film critic, so I’ll start by reviewing not the movie, but the work of Mike, the fictional locksmith portrayed therein.

Another thing that I’m not is a felon. In reality, Mike’s character would have a hard time getting bonded and licensed as a locksmith in Washington State. I wonder if there’s a single state that allows people on parole to work in this trade.

So it’s not surprising that both his work and his demeanor leave something to be desired. Early in the film he opens a door without confirming that it belongs to the woman requesting the service, and it turns out that it does not. That’s foolish and unprofessional. This is typical poor decision-making from a man with a proven record of making terrible life choices. It also happens to be one of my recurring nightmares. When I’m not dreaming that I forgot to turn in the final paper for a core high school credit and that my diploma is being revoked, I’m dreaming that I’ve just let a burglar into a house that is not his. When I’m awake, I always remember to ask for identification.

But what bothers me more about Mike the locksmith is that he demonstrates not an ounce of sympathy for his customers. It’s always a bad day when you have to call a locksmith. The least the locksmith could do is be friendly. In one scene, Mike looks at a simple cylinder that an average locksmith could easily open with a pick, and immediately says that it needs to be drilled. He doesn’t even make an attempt to save the customer money by opening the lock in a nondestructive fashion. The customer protests, but he reaches for his drill as if she doesn’t have a choice. This is a lazy and wasteful way of doing business. To his credit, his pricing seems pretty reasonable.

Locksmith rating: 3/10

The film itself is maddening to watch. Time and again, when faced with the simplest of choices, Mike chooses the one that is most obviously wrong. I can imagine that his parade of increasingly dumb decisions would be fun to watch if it were broken up with some comic relief, but there’s nothing funny about this movie. And as a locksmith, watching the movie made me terribly anxious. Mike spends his entire workday gallivanting around with a crazy lady, entrusting his service vehicle and equipment to her, and ignoring service calls. Throughout the entire movie, I just wanted him to get back to work. What’s worse is that he repeatedly places himself into awkward (but not amusing) social situations, all to humor this marginally attractive kook who has taken an interest in him. I would call the movie relentlessly uncomfortable if it weren’t for the very boring stretches.

Film rating: 5/10